Be who you want to be

My editor in chief is new in town and would like to meet for coffee just to learn a bit more about the city (I’m thinking I am the wrong person to talk to about this!) This guy is a Harvard grad and also holds a PhD, so yes he's a Dr. All of a sudden my insecurities about being a complete and utter thickoid kicked in and I suddenly felt the need to "bend the truth”. I’m thinking of saying I was a rocket scientist with NASA and will name-drop a few long words like; particles, cape Canaveral, plutonium nitrate, diplodocus (I think that’s a dinosaur, but he won’t know).

Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of bending the truth in the past to guys who attempt to chat me up in a club as a means of amusement. Apparently I’ve had a fruitful existence as I’ve claimed to be the following;

Classical harpist
6th dan kung fu master
Vegetarian
Colonial cake decorator
Microsoft msn developer

These thoughts made me wonder about how people in Dubai reinvent themselves upon arrival - you're allowed to do so, as no one will ever know.

Starting from the outside and depending on which continent you were residing in before, you may need to give your wardrobe a complete facelift. Linen outfits, sandals, weird belts, costume jewelry you would never wear in London, catrillion pairs of sunglasses to match your outfits, handbags to match your trainers and hair clips to match the complete ensemble.

Upon completion, you definitely have a new look, so with this, a new attitude manifests…guys adopt this strut, which kinda sways from the hips n shoulders and they also seem to form a permanent squint. Shirt buttons fly open to show off those tanned man pecks, shirt sleeves roll up...are you thinking what I’m, thinking?..yep, Don Johnson! (Cue music - Miami vice) oh yes, lookin good guys!

And now the girls - all fab sporting a new tan, highlights, manicured/ pedicured etc. From somewhere deep within, a permanent pouting of the lips seems to develop, followed by a new walk; head held high, long flowing strides with excessive emphasis on the hips and I'm quite sure everything appears in slow motion. Some ladies walk around thinking they are on a runway, (as in catwalk – I think calling it a runway makes me sound chic and into fashion which is why I prefer to call it a runway instead of a catwalk) or about to get photographed by paparazzi…look, I'm going to have to make a separate post on ladies fashion...watch this space.

The number of people wearing their sunglasses indoors is astounding - maybe Dubai is aiming for a world record for the number of people wearing sunglasses indoors. It’s just plain lazy or posey or twatty! They all appear to walk in slow motion as well. Three of my colleagues at work walk into the office with their sunglasses on and I don’t understand why – well actually I do, but we won’t go there. The office is on the 2nd floor, so it takes a minimum 5 minutes from when you enter the building until you reach the office… now don’t tell me that’s not enough time to remove the sunglasses or at least stick them on your forehead like some people do (don’t get that either!)

Back to the guys; thanks to the birth of bluetooth - the wireless headset is definitely in vogue and makes a real statement; I am somebody, incredibly important and I have friends who call me so often that the earpiece has become a permanent extension to my ear. This must be some childhood role playing thingy of wanting to be an FBI or CIA person – so next time you see a guy sporting the wireless headset, you know they were the ones who would playact, but now they are living the dream…oh yes, dreams come true in Dubai!

(sigh!)