No I’m not a prostitute! (Part 1)

Being a woman in Dubai definitely has its advantages and being a female Muslim even more so, although there are disadvantages as well. You take the good with the bad and all that. I personally feel the bad outweigh the good hands down, but that’s the cynic in me...lets explore them shall we?…

I'll start off with the advantages; In banks there are "women only" queues, however I think this is to enable all the men to focus their eyes in one area rather than having to pivot their heads in all directions.

I think this is pretty universal, but flirtation to avoid parking tickets, traffic violations and getting food delivered quicker is more effective if delivered by women. Do be careful as it could be taken the wrong way…it’s that time again.. here’s an example;

Our office has a paid underground parking facility, well today the barrier was left open so I snuck down and parked my car as I was running late for work (my hairdryer overheated, so had to wait for it to cool down-couldn’t possibly go to work with my hair half done! My excuse was that I had overslept!). I had to pop out at lunch time to get my waxing done, on my way out the security man stops me asking me to pay 50dhs! I said,

"What, are you having a tin bath mate" (he was indian)
"What bath, must pay"
"Gate up, no ticket no said pay, how u know I here 9.30, I here 11!"

Anyways this went on for about five minutes getting nowhere fast, so I decided to resort to my pathetic female mode. In my best Hindi I whimpered a;

"i'm sorry, please forgive me"
...the corners of his mouth upturned and his angry expression rounded into one of sympathy. I then asked the common question (in my broken hindi);
"Where are you from”?
"Delhi"
"nooooo! My father is from there"

Beaming smile from him… desired effect achieved!

"ok for you 10 dhs, come and park here again anytime but just give little money"
(all still in hindi), he was rambling on and I could barely make out what he was saying;

"where do you work, which office, come here and park here everyday and I will give you good price as you are my friend"

By this time he had placed his hand on my window ledge moving closer to my boobies! I started edging back and raised the window. I drove off, but then he ran after me asking if I was definitely coming back in the afternoon as he will let me park for free. He then muttered something, which I couldn’t quite make out, I was quite sure he was saying;

"Then you come and we can go and pass some time"
"What??!!"
"I give you free parking then we go and pass some time, not long just quickly, we can talk about it"
"Yeah sure, BYE' (car tyres screech). Needless to say I won’t be parking there again! And I’m not that cheap and its kind of ironic really..one parking space in exchange for another...

Another plus point - being an Islamic country, women aren’t really supposed to be in confined spaces with a guy. On many occasions I have exercised this right whilst going in a lift. If the guy in the lift or the one waiting to enter the lift with you looks as though they might ogle at you whilst stroking his groin, or they smell really bad then I will put my hand on my heart and softly say;

"Would you mind if I went alone, I can’t go in lift with you" - I swear on my sunglasses, 100% success rate!
You do of course come across the locals who will do so without you having to say so.

Right, you get into clubs quite easily, but be aware of all the guys who want you to partner up with them to help them get in the club. Ladies night on Tuesdays where we get a generous number of free drinks (toilet water), which is actually an indirect attempt to get the guys out! They don’t need free drinks to coax them out they just want women!

Tbc..