Idle as a painted ship…
…Upon a painted ocean
Please excuse me for the extended absence, I have no real excuse aside from being stuck in traffic for 2 weeks, I’m a lazy bastard or simply failed to get any inspiration. I blame all the sand in my ears, which seems to be a permanent fixture in the air out here. That coupled with the percentage humidity is enough to clog many an orifice. There have been countless times when I have looked out my window and what looks like dense fog is actually an unwelcoming cloud of sand. It’s completely unavoidable. The only way the “fog” clears is if it rained, but then be prepared for your car to look like a crowd of people have vomited all over it.
Moving on, when I returned from one of my rare Saturday jaunts yesterday, I met my neighbour for the first time (I think they have been there for 2-3 months and I think they are hard of hearing). My jaunt simply consisted of wondering around a shopping mall aimlessly, or aimlessly wondering where to aim, but actually wondering why I decided to wake up so damn early on a weekend, which results in spending more time wondering what to do with my time.
What really struck me as odd when I saw neighbour was the fact that he was washing his car. In my 3 years, I have never seen ANYONE washing their car! Its not like I drive around looking for people washing their cars whilst tallying up a survey, but you know what Brits are like? For those of you who don’t, the sun is a rare commodity in the UK, and when it decides to rear its head, the whole country has an obsession with washing their car. So, before I arrived I had these visions of Brits constantly washing their cars.
I couldn’t be more wrong; if you can pay someone 8-10 pounds (sterling) a month to wash it every other day then surely there is no need to do so yourself? Well, these people don’t actually wash the cars they simply distribute the dirt. Anyways, I had to comment on it as I was quite shocked but also thought it a good cue to meet the neighbour. I merely informed him that he was the first person I’d witnessed washing their car, he simply smiled. I then realized that this was probably a failing effort, as it could have been misconstrued as calling him a tight bastard. I then tried to regain ground by saying “nice one”.., yes, I know, as soon the words escaped my mouth I thought – Regina you twat! Again, I blame the sand in my ears! Ok, time to pull out the “considerate neighbourly neighbour” card – I asked if my music was too loud. He beamed a smile and said they never hear me. “öh good, well do let me know if it is”.
I walked away from that exchange thinking he was definitely a weirdo! NO WAY could they never hear me, they definitely have too much sand in their ears! I’ve heard stuff rattling from my bass whilst it’s thumpin a bit of Dre! My previous neighbour was knocking on my door on my second day complaining about the noise! She was also a weirdo though… she used to walk over to mine barefoot and ate with her mouth open.
Later in the day, I decided to indulge in the usual Dubai thing chicks tend to do on a weekly basis – get a manicure and pedicure. I tend not to do so too often, as on every occasion, without fail, I ALWAYS manage to bodge up the paintwork within hours after having them done. I know, I know – poor ikkle pwincess with a bodged up manicure…get over it! Well in scanty attempt to justify why its bloody annoying messing up the manicure is because I trundle around looking like I just bought new fingers, holding everything carefully, dropping everything just to avoid any contact with my nails. So it’s more to do with the fact that I walked around looking like a Jumeirah Jane (rich, kept housewife in Dubai), only to bodge them up anyways.
So', that was the most eventful part of my Saturday, well that and getting my fridge replaced as it broke 3 days ago. My milk turned to cottage cheese sooner than usual and my freezer was stinking of prawns and ice cream. Dubai is not known for its service… errrmmm, correction, they THINK they have superior service, whilst in actuality they have no concept of customer retention or customer service whatsoever. When I called the service centre, their suggestion was to take the fridge away for a few days and check it out without leaving a replacement.
“it’s 42c outside, are you seriously thinking of leaving me without a fridge for a few days?”
“yes sir, no problem, you have it back in few days” (yes they always call me SIR.. I’m quite sure my voice hasn’t broken! Btw, few days in Dubai could mean weeks!)
“would you go without a fridge for a few days?”
“no sir”
“ok, then why are you suggesting I do this, would you leave your wife and kids without a fridge for a few days?”
“ok Sir, I will see a fridge”
“I think you misunderstand, you must come with a replacement fridge, cannot live in this weather without a fridge”
“yes, no problem I will look around the buildings”
By this point he was definitely trying to brush me off… unfortunately, if you want something done in Dubai, you have to raise your voice and sound threatening.
“please DO come with a replacement, I am not asking, I am TELLING you”
“ok Sir, I will get one for 3pm”.
Job done, he arrived promptly with replacement (manglyish) fridge, suggesting I just keep this one whilst they take the other one away and pass on to someone else. No THANKS!
On his way in, fridge man commented on the money (7Dhs = 1 pound sterling) I had left outside for the waterman, saying that someone might take it. You can arrange to get water delivered outside your door – don’t ask me how much water, its just a really big barrel which I cannot lift by myself, so I think it must be something like 1000 litres. The waterman takes away the empty bottle along with the money and replaces it with a full bottle. I always leave the money out and have never had a problem with it disappearing in the past. When the fridge man left, for some instinctual reason, I went and checked the money… it had gone! Bastard! 15 minutes later Fridge man returned as he had left his receipt book behind. He asked me if I had taken my money away, to which I responded
“No” simply shrugging my shoulders.
He grinningly said, “See I told you someone would take it”
“Yes, well don’t spend it all at once” and shut the door.
Oh, what an eventful day!
Please excuse me for the extended absence, I have no real excuse aside from being stuck in traffic for 2 weeks, I’m a lazy bastard or simply failed to get any inspiration. I blame all the sand in my ears, which seems to be a permanent fixture in the air out here. That coupled with the percentage humidity is enough to clog many an orifice. There have been countless times when I have looked out my window and what looks like dense fog is actually an unwelcoming cloud of sand. It’s completely unavoidable. The only way the “fog” clears is if it rained, but then be prepared for your car to look like a crowd of people have vomited all over it.
Moving on, when I returned from one of my rare Saturday jaunts yesterday, I met my neighbour for the first time (I think they have been there for 2-3 months and I think they are hard of hearing). My jaunt simply consisted of wondering around a shopping mall aimlessly, or aimlessly wondering where to aim, but actually wondering why I decided to wake up so damn early on a weekend, which results in spending more time wondering what to do with my time.
What really struck me as odd when I saw neighbour was the fact that he was washing his car. In my 3 years, I have never seen ANYONE washing their car! Its not like I drive around looking for people washing their cars whilst tallying up a survey, but you know what Brits are like? For those of you who don’t, the sun is a rare commodity in the UK, and when it decides to rear its head, the whole country has an obsession with washing their car. So, before I arrived I had these visions of Brits constantly washing their cars.
I couldn’t be more wrong; if you can pay someone 8-10 pounds (sterling) a month to wash it every other day then surely there is no need to do so yourself? Well, these people don’t actually wash the cars they simply distribute the dirt. Anyways, I had to comment on it as I was quite shocked but also thought it a good cue to meet the neighbour. I merely informed him that he was the first person I’d witnessed washing their car, he simply smiled. I then realized that this was probably a failing effort, as it could have been misconstrued as calling him a tight bastard. I then tried to regain ground by saying “nice one”.., yes, I know, as soon the words escaped my mouth I thought – Regina you twat! Again, I blame the sand in my ears! Ok, time to pull out the “considerate neighbourly neighbour” card – I asked if my music was too loud. He beamed a smile and said they never hear me. “öh good, well do let me know if it is”.
I walked away from that exchange thinking he was definitely a weirdo! NO WAY could they never hear me, they definitely have too much sand in their ears! I’ve heard stuff rattling from my bass whilst it’s thumpin a bit of Dre! My previous neighbour was knocking on my door on my second day complaining about the noise! She was also a weirdo though… she used to walk over to mine barefoot and ate with her mouth open.
Later in the day, I decided to indulge in the usual Dubai thing chicks tend to do on a weekly basis – get a manicure and pedicure. I tend not to do so too often, as on every occasion, without fail, I ALWAYS manage to bodge up the paintwork within hours after having them done. I know, I know – poor ikkle pwincess with a bodged up manicure…get over it! Well in scanty attempt to justify why its bloody annoying messing up the manicure is because I trundle around looking like I just bought new fingers, holding everything carefully, dropping everything just to avoid any contact with my nails. So it’s more to do with the fact that I walked around looking like a Jumeirah Jane (rich, kept housewife in Dubai), only to bodge them up anyways.
So', that was the most eventful part of my Saturday, well that and getting my fridge replaced as it broke 3 days ago. My milk turned to cottage cheese sooner than usual and my freezer was stinking of prawns and ice cream. Dubai is not known for its service… errrmmm, correction, they THINK they have superior service, whilst in actuality they have no concept of customer retention or customer service whatsoever. When I called the service centre, their suggestion was to take the fridge away for a few days and check it out without leaving a replacement.
“it’s 42c outside, are you seriously thinking of leaving me without a fridge for a few days?”
“yes sir, no problem, you have it back in few days” (yes they always call me SIR.. I’m quite sure my voice hasn’t broken! Btw, few days in Dubai could mean weeks!)
“would you go without a fridge for a few days?”
“no sir”
“ok, then why are you suggesting I do this, would you leave your wife and kids without a fridge for a few days?”
“ok Sir, I will see a fridge”
“I think you misunderstand, you must come with a replacement fridge, cannot live in this weather without a fridge”
“yes, no problem I will look around the buildings”
By this point he was definitely trying to brush me off… unfortunately, if you want something done in Dubai, you have to raise your voice and sound threatening.
“please DO come with a replacement, I am not asking, I am TELLING you”
“ok Sir, I will get one for 3pm”.
Job done, he arrived promptly with replacement (manglyish) fridge, suggesting I just keep this one whilst they take the other one away and pass on to someone else. No THANKS!
On his way in, fridge man commented on the money (7Dhs = 1 pound sterling) I had left outside for the waterman, saying that someone might take it. You can arrange to get water delivered outside your door – don’t ask me how much water, its just a really big barrel which I cannot lift by myself, so I think it must be something like 1000 litres. The waterman takes away the empty bottle along with the money and replaces it with a full bottle. I always leave the money out and have never had a problem with it disappearing in the past. When the fridge man left, for some instinctual reason, I went and checked the money… it had gone! Bastard! 15 minutes later Fridge man returned as he had left his receipt book behind. He asked me if I had taken my money away, to which I responded
“No” simply shrugging my shoulders.
He grinningly said, “See I told you someone would take it”
“Yes, well don’t spend it all at once” and shut the door.
Oh, what an eventful day!
posted by ReginaFilangee at 9:36 AM
3 Comments:
How funny! That man was a right dick! Dishonest little f*cker! I'd have given him a right rollicking and messed around with his head for a while.
Thanx G-string! i could do with some inspiration in this baron desert!
Hi NML! well he has to come back to exchange the fridge,thinking of leaving a huge spider in the fridge for him - tee hee!
NK, that sounds lovely? Did he leave some loverly backwash for you to nibble on for later? :-P
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