Space invasion

I’ve briefly touched on etiquette, but I really think we need to rip off that band-aid and rummage deeper as I am sure that majority of the residents of Dubai left their manners at the immigration desk when they entered the country.

Being brought up in the UK we are known for queuing, or rather the ability to queue in an orderly fashion for hours (even days) on end and not tolerate queue jumpers in the slightest. Brits queue for days to get tickets to Wimbledon to be the first person in the Next or Harrods sale. I’ve even seen people queue over night for cheap theatre tickets and we will probably even queue to see the sun shine!

When you come to Dubai, queuing is seemingly an act of alienism and boy can it get frustrating if you are accustomed to queuing! There have been a countless number of times when I have been queuing only to find some people around are completely oblivious to the queue, walking straight to the front. It mainly seems to stem from Asian subcontinent origin and some locals. What makes it rather extraordinary is their reaction when you point out the queue to them, and also cannot understand why it’s always me in the queue that does this? Does no one else know the concept of queuing and just happen to be standing there? Depending on how long I’ve been queuing and of course the time of the month definitely comes into play; my reactions have been as follows;

I’m not standing here cos i'm bored!
The back of the queue is behind me
I’m calling the police (this is obviously in tongue in cheek desperation, but reactions are comical!)

Whilst we are on the subject of manners, the number of times you hear someone hawking (clearing throat and sinus area) followed by spitting is despicable. It’s incredibly common to see people at traffic lights open up their car doors, hawk up and spit out. You also get the forward planners who have been hawking whilst driving (cab drivers) really managing to gather a mouthful and seem to almost vomit at traffic lights.

Never before Dubai had I heard someone open a phone conversation or any conversation with "tell me”. I’d noticed this within my first week here. Its incredibly abrupt and I guess just makes you cut to the chase, no pleasantries required? A little ironic in a city where everything tends to happen at snails pace.

Staying on the subject of phone conversations, you know when you're trying to get hold of some but they're not around, the person on the phone will say things like;

"Away from desk"
"Stepped out"
"Tied up" (I’ve sometimes responded with…ooo sounds like fun - very mature!)

Well here’, I’ve heard;

"Not on his seat" (ok, is he behind his seat?)
"Not on his table" (under his table?)
"Out of station " (ok..in space perhaps?)
"No" (fine!)

Another performance defying all manners or even human sense but also quite interesting, is the number of guys who grab their groin in public. It really is intriguing watching them just hanging on for dear life, in the street, in supermarkets, in lifts and even just holding on whilst walking in a shopping mall. Is it like a security blanket? I mean honestly, can you imagine if us gals walked around with both hands cupping our boobies? (guys stop dribbling!) Come on sort it out ok, its unnecessary!

Back to queuing, you also get the complete retards who do queue up, but think standing right up next to you, even touching you and completely invading your personal space will help the queue move faster. I’ve found the best way to overcome this situation is simple humiliation...the number of times I’ve shouted out "look if you touch my arse one more time, I’m going to call the police ", it works most of the time, if it doesn't it's because they don't understand. And why is it that these space invaders have the most appalling smell? It really seems to go hand in hand, space invaders = bad personal hygiene?

Hmm?