I'm not a celebrity, get me outta here!

Ramadan is my favourite time of year in Dubai as the city moves down a couple of gears and slips into sleepy mode. Clubs are shut for the month, bars are quiet with only the wispy hum of voices, hotels unleash extravagant shisha tents where people gather to smoke the night away where we simply use the art of conversation as entertainment or even board games. Back to basics where our innateness is expressed in a less oppulant manner - well that depends entirely who you are with.

Gone are the guest lists, VIP, VVIPs, gone are the Hummas and Lamorghinis which pull up in front of clubs where greasy slicked backed leb twats step out swaggering to the front of the queue. Gone are the leb twats who stumble out of the club, pull out their mobile phone whilst standing immediately in front of me, stares me squarely (only inches away from me) in the face and barks "where's ma ride b!tch", followed by staring at me *ohhh yes, i'm so cool*. I said to him "you know you really shouldn't talk to your mother like that", then walked away.

Minutes later, i receive a tap on the shoulder and leb twat goes, "this is ma ride b!tch" . He ran all the way to catch up with me to tell me that he is getting a lift in a Humma. It's not his Humma, it's a rented one (i could see the rental company logo in the corner!). Whatever was the need to show off that you are driving away in a rent-a-car is beyond me, but such is the nature of this superficial society deperately trying hard to keep up with dem Jone's. If you've got it flaunt it, even if you don't got it, look like you got it, as it's all about the bling.

Per capita, Lebanese are renowned for being the most dept ridden country in the world which resonates throughout Dubai. they do not have any credit to top up their latest phones and neither can they afford the petrol for their new beema. As long as they look good, it's all good.

It's not only leb twats who are accustomed to such extravagances walking around with their heads in ivory towers. From my experience, it's split into 3 types of people...

1- Ivory towers - they have their heads firmly in the bubble, hence floating around in this artificial world thinking it's all real. Completely oblivous to the fact that whatever they have here, they couldn't possibly have back home. These people tended to come from nothing back home therefore accentuating their inflated egos.

Additionally, there is the tendancy to take themselves terribly seriously, extensively name drop, delusions of grandeur with a generous dose of "i'm a minor celebrity". Being such a small town, it's quite simple to get to know a lot of people, so on many occasions you can walk in a mall and say hello to aquaintences. However, the wannabees in their ivory towers are thinking "i am so popular.. in fact almost famous".

Furthermore, Ivory tower residence tend to announce on any given occasion that they have a maid, never do their laundry, show off about their address and all the rich people they know, boast about how often their photo has appeared in the OK's, Hello, Ahlan's and the paper. The only people who can stand to be in their presence are people of the same classification.

2- Woke up and smelt the shisha - it's not too late people! you've realised that this place turns people into selfish, materialistic, superficial "i'm a minor celebrity" wannabee's. You've realised that it's just not ok to talk down or shout to people in order to get some thing done. Neither do you accept the racism and the flash, glitz and wealth no longer impresses you.

3- Duty calls - they have accepted the fact they dislike it here, but may be earning a healthier salary so just put up with it whilst moaning a little or just keeping themselves to themlseves.

i heard birds tweeting the other day - first time i've heard that in a loOOOoong time!