Reap what you sow

There is something missing, an essence, a seed which you can nurture and grow, pluck and prune, shape it into the trees of the future with a thousand tales to tell, with roots to spread. As a substitute, palm trees are brought in and plastered all over the city or imitating innovation from around the world and making it grander or glistening with the sweat of poor unpaid laborers.

A city without a soul stifles creativity with nothing to keep it grounded, to see it through the good times and bad. A city which is highly dependant on how things look as opposed to how things actually work is setting itself up for a huge downfall.

A get rich quick policy to grow a city echoes into every iota of life creating selfish people with a short-term view. You are never encouraged to contribute to society, but more to line your pockets so you can keep up with the Jones’.

No lemon in my tea

As I rush around battling with bureaucracy to get things tied up, it really does get frustrating how a simple task is not simple but as complicated as trying formulate quadratic equations in your head. Having to shout down the phone to get answers or even a call back isn’t good for the stress levels – without which, nothing will get done.

A Dobuy airhead has accused me of being “bitter and a failure” for leaving. I quite the contrary believe I have opted for my career, sanity and appreciation of the finer things in life over the constant sadistically ostentatious display of nouveau wealth.

I have absolutely no regrets, as it has been a thoroughly mind nourishing experience and I certainly would not put anyone off from living here as it entirely depends on the individual’s outlook on life. If they can turn a blind eye to the slave labour in +50 heat, the unbearable racism, incredible lack of professionalism in the work place and lack of creative or intellectual inspiration, in essence, a city with no soul…then each to their own. You rarely meet people with an edge, where you walk away from an encounter and think…damn! They were really interesting, and i am not referring to a hottie cream your pants type of way.

So I can't say i've OD'd on lemon in the past 3.5 years and neither do i view my journey as a failure. I would like to thank the academy for voting me out and am supremely grateful for my success and that I have managed to escape without excessive lip liner, cosmetic surgery, leathery skin, delusions of grandeur, namedropper disease, I’m-a-celebrityitus disease and head-oop-me-arse disease.

I thank you

counting down the days...

A surge of excitement in the air as i approach the finishing line, digging deep within for those last gasps of breath to help me sail through and cross that line. As I count down the days, my mission is now to make it through without getting thrown in jail... the gauntlet has been laid down, the challenge i have accepted.

Today I refrained from letting out the air of the tyres belonging to some subcontinant twat who selfishly blocked me in today. What should have been a 5 minute chore, turned out to last over an hour thanks to Mr selfish twat. Of course i made it known to him that he was incredibly selfish to do such a thing, an accusation of which he adamantly denied followed by me adamantly abstaining from punching him.

Yesterday I had to bite my tongue several times whilst having a conversation with a Dobuy airhead stuck firmly up their own arse who thinks Dobuy is the best thing since sliced bread. Another nothing from back home, who has managed to do something in Dobuy.

When I pointed out how it seems unfair that it’s virtually impossible for a non-fasting muslim or non muslim to get any food during the day during Ramadan as most restaurants are closed. Additionally I highlighted how incredibly hypocritical it is that one can get fined or thrown in jail for eating, drinking or smoking in public during the month of Ramadan, however it is still possible for someone to pick up a prostitute during daylight hours. Where is the logic in this? Her response was… end of the day; the locals rule and expats come and go, so if they don’t like it, they can leave. Very weak argument, but it wasn’t the time to take the gloves off and with a response like that, the argument would have gone nowhere.

The remainder of my time must be passed with my teeth firmly gritted and my eyes set firmly on the finishing line.

Exhale

People in glass houses...

...should not throw stones. They should throw ping pong balls, soggy wet tissues or even snot filled rags, but seriously just don't throw stones.

This is obviously universal and not just in VPL city, however it does baffle me how some people are so stuck in their ivory towers which they have built over night and suddenly unwillling to accept any flaws in their damas diamonds. Their recent humble past now seems a distant blur which has been replaced by an air of grandoise decended from royalty. One mustn't forget that this new house is seconds away from shattered remnants.

This is not a dig at the wealthy and neither is it a projection of jealousy but simply frustration at how the the "benjamins" can take over people and they loose all sense of value and engaging conversation. I'm happy for people who have struck it rich, but please don't forget where you came from. VPL city is rife with people running away from their pasts and this disneyland is the perfect place to live out their fantasy;

An old acquaintence I knew from back home who is now residing here once said to me;

"Don't go all Dubai on me now, i knew you from when you were back in London".

me "err.. excuse me? aren't you the one who came here and took a 100k loan within your first month to kit out your flat and buy a big 4x4 and a boat which you call a yacht? Aren't you the one who has the table here at this club to entertain all your "friends". And aren't you the one who found trouble finding a job back home, out of work for months and then came here?"

put those stones away...

I'm not a celebrity, get me outta here!

Ramadan is my favourite time of year in Dubai as the city moves down a couple of gears and slips into sleepy mode. Clubs are shut for the month, bars are quiet with only the wispy hum of voices, hotels unleash extravagant shisha tents where people gather to smoke the night away where we simply use the art of conversation as entertainment or even board games. Back to basics where our innateness is expressed in a less oppulant manner - well that depends entirely who you are with.

Gone are the guest lists, VIP, VVIPs, gone are the Hummas and Lamorghinis which pull up in front of clubs where greasy slicked backed leb twats step out swaggering to the front of the queue. Gone are the leb twats who stumble out of the club, pull out their mobile phone whilst standing immediately in front of me, stares me squarely (only inches away from me) in the face and barks "where's ma ride b!tch", followed by staring at me *ohhh yes, i'm so cool*. I said to him "you know you really shouldn't talk to your mother like that", then walked away.

Minutes later, i receive a tap on the shoulder and leb twat goes, "this is ma ride b!tch" . He ran all the way to catch up with me to tell me that he is getting a lift in a Humma. It's not his Humma, it's a rented one (i could see the rental company logo in the corner!). Whatever was the need to show off that you are driving away in a rent-a-car is beyond me, but such is the nature of this superficial society deperately trying hard to keep up with dem Jone's. If you've got it flaunt it, even if you don't got it, look like you got it, as it's all about the bling.

Per capita, Lebanese are renowned for being the most dept ridden country in the world which resonates throughout Dubai. they do not have any credit to top up their latest phones and neither can they afford the petrol for their new beema. As long as they look good, it's all good.

It's not only leb twats who are accustomed to such extravagances walking around with their heads in ivory towers. From my experience, it's split into 3 types of people...

1- Ivory towers - they have their heads firmly in the bubble, hence floating around in this artificial world thinking it's all real. Completely oblivous to the fact that whatever they have here, they couldn't possibly have back home. These people tended to come from nothing back home therefore accentuating their inflated egos.

Additionally, there is the tendancy to take themselves terribly seriously, extensively name drop, delusions of grandeur with a generous dose of "i'm a minor celebrity". Being such a small town, it's quite simple to get to know a lot of people, so on many occasions you can walk in a mall and say hello to aquaintences. However, the wannabees in their ivory towers are thinking "i am so popular.. in fact almost famous".

Furthermore, Ivory tower residence tend to announce on any given occasion that they have a maid, never do their laundry, show off about their address and all the rich people they know, boast about how often their photo has appeared in the OK's, Hello, Ahlan's and the paper. The only people who can stand to be in their presence are people of the same classification.

2- Woke up and smelt the shisha - it's not too late people! you've realised that this place turns people into selfish, materialistic, superficial "i'm a minor celebrity" wannabee's. You've realised that it's just not ok to talk down or shout to people in order to get some thing done. Neither do you accept the racism and the flash, glitz and wealth no longer impresses you.

3- Duty calls - they have accepted the fact they dislike it here, but may be earning a healthier salary so just put up with it whilst moaning a little or just keeping themselves to themlseves.

i heard birds tweeting the other day - first time i've heard that in a loOOOoong time!

Road block

ANOTHER new shopping mall opened last week - on day 2 it was heaving! It has the largest indoor ski-slope in the world, fabulous! That's exactly what this place needs.. not a decent venue to house all the pop acts/ musicians who visit. Currently, they can only visit during the cooler months, as all the venue's are outdoors. We certainly do not need a new zoo to house the poor crusting animals. Furthermore, this mall is only 10 minutes up the road from a humungous mall which opened up only 7 months ago.

All the traffic for the new mall has just trebled my journey time home in the evenings...joy! Speaking of traffic, i was on my way to Media City for a meeting. What was usually a 15 minute journey took 1 and half hours! Upon arrival (embarrassinlgy late!) i asked the client if this was just a temporary thing due to ramadan timings. He informed me that sadly this is now the norm. Miles of traffic for hours on end.

One wonders if town planning was ever considered? Media City, Internet City, Knowledge Village, The Palm, Jumeirah Beach Residence and not forgetting all the hotels! All these establishments are in close proximity at one end of town, accessed by only 2 roads, which incidentally looks like a bomb site due to roadworks. However it is comforting to see that something is being done about it; the largest spaghetti junction in the world is under construction (to help people get lost in the area), but building a few parallel lanes ain't gonna fix the problem.

We are now in the presence of the largest parallel car-park in the world, but look on the bright side folks, it's free parking (for now)!