80's throw back

A new club is opening up this weekend and it sounds bloody awful! Firstly the dress code states "dress to impress, no trainers", ok that rules out a whole lotta people. Secondly the decor sounds like yuppyville; complete 80's throw back! "Chrome and black interior with deep black leather sofas and a massive chrome dance floor" *puke* i think it will be quite hilarious watchin people dancing on that massive chrome dance floor.

All the lebs will probably be checking themselves out whilst flexing their muskles. The indians (if they allow them in) will be looking up girl's skirts, and anyone with any sense will turn on their heel and head on to the next club. Finally, the name "The Embassy" sounds rather unbecoming with a definite attempt to sound pretencious. The music is the usual - house, but i think good ol' 80's tunes will sound far more appropriate.

I'd be bitterly disappointed if i did not see at least one twat wearing a white suite, black shirt/white tie combo. Or that other guy who struts his stuff in a white suit jacket, white trainers and white baseball hat.

Just to add to the air of exclusivity (puh leease), the advert states "valet parking" and at the bottom, one of the sponsors is a modelling agency. So from this you can assure that they have hired "models" to walk around looking like they want to be there. BTW; models here are also fugly and rejects from their home towns.

party!

Adventures in a brown nissan sunny

i was pleased to read in the paper yesterday, that police have finally had enough of the rampant rubbernecking which causes hours of traffic jams and have taken some action... don't know how preventative it is though. A fine of 110dhs will be introduced (17pounds sterling) to the offenders, but one wonders how this will be enforced.

How will they differentiate between those who are rubbernecking and those who have been forced to slow down and think, oh i may as well have a look as i've slowed down. And I can't really see how introducing fines will prevent people from slowing dowing down.

Afterall, we have speeding fines some of which have been increased as a measure to slow people down and reduce the number of road deaths. However, as the paper reported yesterday, 7 months of the year so far, 833 reported road accidents of which 137 people died. Comparing this to last year, there was a total of 180 odd deaths for the year in total. Sheikh Zayed Road being the main offender.

Now forgive me for this comment, but i am sure many will agree with me when i say the Indian/ pakistani subcontinants are the worst drivers on the road and it has been noted that atleast 60% of all accidents are caused by them. They are also the worst rubberneckers!! On the highway where you should be doing 100kms, they will suddenly slow down to 30kms just to peer at the two people on the hard shoulder in the hope of seeing some action. When it's more than likely that perhaps they have stopped to have a chat. It gets incredibly infuriating! Perhaps the enforcers will just look out for the brown nissan sunny's?

This could be a tact... 2 years ago, i met with an accident which resulted in my car stuck in the shop for over 1 month. In the mean time i hired a car. I knew which one i wanted and was hoping one was available. There was a waiting list of 2 months! Tried to pull some strings, drop some names and made a few calls. Finally after some backhanders i was jumped to the front of the queue! I was called one sunday morning and informed to come and pick up the keys for my hired car which i was only allowed to have for 2 weeks due to the high demand. It was a brown nissan sunny! oh yes! I decorated it will lowely golden tissue box holder and bought a fresh bunch of fake grapes to hang in the rear view.

At the time, the car i was driving was a black convertible sporty lil' number (poser.. i know!) and i noticed the difference in how i was treated almost immediately. In the 2 weeks, i was fined a number of times simply for changing lanes (i used my indicator and everything), whilst in the little black car this NEVER happend and I was cut up a million times more than usual.

Moral of the story - don't drive a brown nissan sunny!

Fringe benefits

One of new werid girl colleagues walked in today sporting one of the best hair faux pas i recall seeing to date. Just a bit of background; she's from Lahore and seemingly comes from a well-to-do family where work is just a past time for her. Weekends are "incredibly busy" (taxi-ing around the in-laws), throwing "big parties" (cooking for the in-laws) and she only ever seems to be interested in idle gossip around the office. "My clients lowe me becuase i am such a social butterfly" and can often be caught in the smoking corner rabbiting on about nothing much. "I lowe fashion and style, Wogue is excellent, it's my faworite magazine after Libas".

I don't know which magazine she took this hairstlye tip from, she should get a refund or call the police. She had straight hair, all one length up to her shoulders. However, today she walks in with a humungous fuck off fringe! Half her head has been converted into a fringe, whilst the remainder has been crimped - yes, CRIMPED! She must have been flicking through an early 80's issue of Wogue this morning.

She tried to talk to me, but i couldnt escape from the fact that she is now wearing a toupee on her forehead.

anyways...

Little bit of nothing much...

Feelin a little uninspired to write anything of real interest to humanity at the moment, so thought i'd just browse round the doldrums...

Bollywood bogey picker is on delightful form, he really is digging for gold this morning. Yesterday he treated us with an extended nasal hair dreadlocking session as well. He ought to open up a "Fashion Men's Saloon" which specialises in keepin those nasal hairs locked down. He has given us a break from the orange shirts today, instead opting for shades of brown but still bearing the white sports socks.

New guy 2, Lebtwat continues to "assert his authorotay" by declaring to be best friends with certain clients. Currently his tactic is targetting the big spenders from my accounts and asking rapid fire questions about them, name dropping;

"How is XXX from ZZZ company? How is XXX's 2 kids? XXX's Wife is a stunner, i slept with her twice, she's not bad - do give pass on my regards and tell him i said that next time you speak to him".

I've heard him on the phone to clients;

"Blah Blah magazine is really great, its amazing magazine and everyone wants to be in it", Hmm, i'm quite sure it is.

Then there's Scotboy; a typical new expatbrat still loving the fact that he can afford a 4x4 over here, a cleaner he can order around, and feeling superior for his slightly advanced grip on the English language compared to his colleagues, albeit in an incredibly strong Glaswegian accent. Given that 99% of our colleagues, English is their second language, it's not really something to write home about.

When every Thursday comes round, we hear the endless bragging of which clubs he is on the guest list of. Last week he actually brought in a copy of the toilet paper magazine The Buzz, left casually open on his desk to a page where...oh look, what a coincidence, it's his photo from a night out. He made a point to point it out to anyone who passed his desk that day.

And next to me sits Lebtwat 1 who was actually a used car sales man for a few years, this being his first venture into media sales. Where on earth did wenchy witch bum find these people?! I'm sure selling a "really great, amazingly wicked magazine" will be a challenge from selling grey Japanese exports. I can see the yield of this magazine dwindle into the gutter along with all the other magazines... roll up, $1000 a page, come an' 'av it yanni!

i'm going to miss this place :-P

Hey Mr DJ...

...just SHUTDAFUKUP!

Have decided to buy a car charger for the iPod. Battery died yesterday, so i had to endure the dribble on the radio. It really is unbelievably awful. Majority of the radio DJ's are probably ex- Butlin crew. Northerners are particularly offensive as they seem to accentuate their god awful accents in an attempt to sound cool and street.

There's a talk station which i stumbled upon whilst frustratingly channel hopping. I don't recall the name, but it's on 103.8fm. With nothing much really going on aside from a new club opening, another gajillion towers being erected or a new shopping mall, how could they possibly warrant a 24/7 talk radio station? It's actually so bad it's hilarious. The talk radio stations are kinda like the Hello's, Ahlan's and OK of the air waves, only there so people can call in and then tell their friends they were on the radio.

My claim to fame has to be the first time i met a Dubai radio DJ. I was at a launch party and this DJ was amongst many people invited. I was doing the mingling thing and met this lady;

DJ "hi i'm &^%$*# (forgot her name!)" she had a canadian accent.
me "hi i'm Regina Filangee"

she had this strange look on her face, i couldn't place what it was tho..

DJ "so what do you do?"
Me "oh, i do blah blah blah, and how about you?
DJ "Do you ever listen to the radio?" said in a sarcastic tone
Me "I can't say that i do, i don't have a radio"
DJ " You don't own a radio, so you've never listened to the radion in DUbai? Tell you what, i'll buy one and send one to you so you can listen to it"

*that was a little unnecessary* By now i've realised that i think i do actually recognise that annoying patronising little voice!!!

Me "ok, i'm guessing this relates to what you do? Do you sell radio's?"
DJ "No, i am a DJ on XXX station"

Penny drops, the look she gave me was one of hope that i might recognise her and become star struck.

Me "Ahh, excellent. Fab show. There's a reason why i don't listen to the radio love, frankly i think they are all shite"

I then left the party. Yet another gathering of rejects from their home towns, who've come out here and done a little better, so think they are GOD!

ego-central!

No barking

I read in the newspaper today that plans are in the pipeline to scrap all free parking on Friday's and public holidays, additionally, they're going to reduce the maximum stay from 2 hours to 1 hour. Great work, perfect way to subsidise the reducing oil revenues and bogus housing market. Surely services should be improved before introducing a reduced parking plan as it takes a squillion times longer to get something done due to poor quality service.

I wonder if they have thought of the repercussions aside from the revenue aspects? Yes they may gain some extra pocket change, however surely this is only shifting the problem, passing the proverbial buck? All the traffic who refuse to pay for parking just might flock to shopping malls where it's free parking and in most shopping malls it's already a mission finding space.

Speaking of parking, i had a tussle with an arab chap this morning. The fuckwit shitfor brains took my space! Yes i know this sorta thing is not just something which just goes on here, but in the 5 years driving in London, it never happened to me while here its a monthly occurance. I'm telling you, people here do NOT have any manners! Upon arrival, i am quite sure they do random searches for manners and confiscate them if they find any on you.

Anyway, I had my indicator on while i was just about to reverse park, when the tosser just comes out of no where and swerves into my space. I reverse so i am parallel to him, wind the window down and;

me "Excuse me, that was my parking space!"
tosser "no it not your barking space, it mine"
me "i was here before you, waiting with my indicator on which means that it's my space"
tosser "i didn't see you anywhere"
me thinking *yeah well thats becuase your bigsmellyfoot on the dashboard was in the way you WANKA!!!*
me "how is that possible, i am right in front of you?WITH MY INDICATOR AND AND REVERSE LIGHTS on"
tosser "i waiting here 20 minutes this my barking space"
me " i think you will find that that's not true and you are lying through your ugly yellow teeth"
tosser "this is my barking space"

by now there was a row of traffic waiting and beeping and rubber necking.

me "you want me to call the police to sort this out?"

yes believe it or not, people do call the police to resolve such petty incidents and they do indeed come along. Who ever they believe, they usually give them the option of prosecuting the alleged offender.

tosser "no, i will call bolice"

by now i am quite amazed how i refrained from swearing at him as i cluttered my sentences together. In such situations it really isn't worth swearing even though the amount of satisfaction it provides is spot on. I've heard of an incident where a white expat woman swore at a dimwitted Arab taxi driver for blocking the road and refused to move for no apparant reason. She then resorted to"get out the f'in way", he calls the police and she has her passport taken and put in jail.

Anyhoo, given that i am not the favoured look, i don't stand a chance with the police! So i just walked away and had visions of sticking apples in his exhaust!

fug fug fug!

Advertising underworld

Driving to work this morning down the darling Sheikh Zayed Road, I am fortunate enough to drive against the traffic both to and from work. No accidents this morning - a rarity. The air is still filled with remnants of the sand storm we experienced yesterday so temperatures make a 1 minute walk more sufferable than usual. During the 20 minute drive, you can see about 50 towers being built along the way, all no doubt with offensivley garish names such as Tiffany Towers, Park Towers, Plonka Palace Towers, Diamond Tower, Big Pointy Tower etc..Quite possibly as much thought went into the name as did the architecture.

Another noticeably notable observation are the rediculous numbers of billboards appearing and they are all humungous! I am quite surprised that the largest billboard in the world has not yet been erected! Musn't forget the new black of billboards... decorating the tall buildings up and down Sheikh Zayed Road's more populated patch. SO not only do we have fugly buildings, but now they are smeared with eye stabingly monotonous advertising campaigns!

That brings me onto advertising agencies; a bunch of precious underworld himbo's who ponce around their prissy offices wearing designer jeans and sunglasses, think that dropping "conceptual" into a sentance, makes them advertising savvy. PUH leeeease! Gimme a coke, cos i'm about to choke! Agencies consist of mainly 2 types of people; leb mafioso; thickoids, uninspired dimwits or subcontinant wannabees who act particularly petulant to fit in, but tend to have more brains than their counterparts.

I interviewed with a few advertising agencies, including 2 of the largest ones in town. Both positions were for Middle Management, which I actually felt would have been a step down for me, but hey you gotta start somewhere. However during both interviews, the prized pricks strongly suggested i start at the bottom of the ladder amongst the graduates. But they could not come up with a good viable reason aside from the fact that I only have 4 months agency experience which was 10 years ago. I battled it out with them, asking exactly what the role involved and the skills required. I then matched up my experience (albeit in a slightly different context) with the skills required.. but they still could not make any sound explanation.

I stormed out of both meetings. In one of them i mentioned that my 4 months experience over 10 years ago is probably more valueable than working in your agency for 1 year! (yes i know, bitter), The second one i told them that they need to try and think a little bit out of the box... afterall they are supposed to be creative!

5 months later, the 2nd agency called me to offer me a job to which i royally stuck up no fingers at them (else i will get arrested!), but you get ma drift.

lets get retarded!

Media wh*re

Wenchy witch bum has decided to plonk herself amongst the plebs today to "show us how its done". In case you didn't figure it out already, I sell space in one of the highly reputable media houses in Dubai.. .we really are the pinnacle of publishing professionalism.

What started out to be a pretty damn good yielding magazine (average price per page) has turned into us sales people walking around with our pants firmly round our ankles ready to take anything which comes our way. Wench sat amongst us cackling down the phone to clients promising them "tricky dicky dirty deals". Coming from a woman who's probably had a every cock, dick and harry in the Pan Arab region! She managed to drop from $20k to $5k in the space of 5 minutes. Unparalleled benchmark quality negotiation skills! Just to humour us even more and attempting to make us feel even more worthless, she gets off the phone and says "That's how you do it".

Well excuse me while i refrain from a standing ovation and shouts of "encore, encore".

Cut the cord

Today is a sad day for people in the doldrums. They cut our umbilical cord, our window to the outside world, our breath of sanity.. yes they blocked MSN (dun dun DAAAAA - cue lighting and thunder). The useless IT guy is walking around the office with a rather smug look on his face, no doubt he feels incredibly powerful at the moment. I think they have blocked Hotmail as well but i haven't checked as yet.

A quiet desperate hum has fallen across the office as we all slowly accept the fact that can no longer feed our MSNaholicism. Oh well, i guess we will all have to work now...

2 new guys are all out to prove themselves in the usual way pathetic media sales people tend to out here. They claim to be best friends, drinking buddies, neighbours etc etc with certain big clients as a ploy to take over the account. All incredibly boring which typifies the one upmanship society in Dubai. Instead of getting on with your own thing, the insecurities plaguing this village causes people to constantly try and keep up with the Jones'. You cannot walk into a super market without EVERYONE staring as they relentlessly want to compare.

Don't get me wrong, i am all up for competition, it's healthy but in the right context. I'm not into competing with friends, or competing with people who have 5 years less work experience than me, neither do i give a toss about how many times my photograph appears in Ahlan, OK, Buzz or Hello magazine! Not forgetting the brain dead Jumeirah Janes or Lebanese princesses who religously gawp at what you are wearing and don't even get me started on people who kiss the arse of rich folk!

Righty, please excuse me whilst i go and compare french manicures with my colleagues!

Pimp ma ride

I read an article today about Piaggio launching their rhetro cool little Vespa's in Dubai next month. This should be quite an interesting exercise. Vespa's are popular in London, Milan, Paris, New York and any other congested sexy city. They conjure up images of "urban cool" style concious people.. heck i've always wanted a Vespa in purple!

Dubai however... the only people you see riding motor bikes are delivery folk; pizza's, subway sandwiches or people who cannot afford cars. The "target market" are "urban Dubai residents, style concious, affluent, mainly in the New Dubai, Dubai Media City and Dubai Marina area". Frankly, it's just too damn hot to be riding around in a 2 wheeler, as by the time you arrive at your destination, you will need to take a shower.

Additionally, with Dubai's neurotic obsession of "blingin it up", a pricetag of 3,500 dhs (540 UKpounds) just won't be convincing enough for the target market to splash out as it's far too accessible. What would work is if they pimped up the Vespa.

Perhaps commissioning Cartier to stud it with diamonds, a Kawasaki (or some super fast motor bike engine), Gucci customising the upholstery, throw in a time machine, load it with a mobile home entertainment system - surround sound, sub woofer and all. Oh, and of course adding three more zero's on the price tag.

pimpin ain't easy.

Pyramid of disgust

Good news, i am no longer bored at work. I just looked up "bored" on marriam websters site and it's a transitive verb, now there is something i didn't know. I have found this rather addictive game to play on the internet and its chewing up into my working time gaddmnit.

New sales guy 1 is a knob, didn't take long to figure that one out. He is a Levant Arab who has lived in the US for a short spell, so he accentuates the accent whilst constantly shooting random facts as a means of showing his superiority. Example; i was feeling extremely cold and asked if anyone else was cold. He comes up with, it was never this cold in Florida. Cheers love you just saved me the hassle of googling that! He is also one of those boners who stands up whilst on the phone, major inferiority issues me thinks!

Moving on, last night was another tennis session with Neo. We lasted all of 45 minutes. Well 15 minutes vigourous ball pounding follwed by 30 minutes of standing in one spot whilst pathetically knockin the ball too and forth. A topic of conversation which came up last night was the racism in Dubai.

The city is built on racism and it's how this country runs. After a few months you will definitely notice a pyramid of hierarchy which in my perception is as follows:

Locals
Western Europeans /US/ Australians
Levant Arabs
Indians (western educated)
Philipino - house help, retail.
Pakistani/Indians - labourers.. the poor chaps in the blue boiler suits you see slaving away building this city in the 50c heat.


Each person within each category kisses the ass of those above and condescends to the one below. If you don't play to these unspoken rules then you may aswell leave as you will get no where. A perfect example is one which Neo pointed out last night; if you dont speak to your cleaner in an authoritative manner, they will walk all over you. They will steal stuff from you or just be plain careless.

I have found working with subcontinant colleagues and particularly women, a rather fortunate/unfortunate experience. It's fortunate because it is enriching and a real eye opener as you will never come across their primitive behaviour whilst working in a first world country. It has been an incredibly unfortunate experience as they are so underhanded with a definite air of envy. When they find out I am of Pakistani origin they change their tunes. It all boils down to the passport i carry but it's not their fault as it's inbedded within the fabric of society.

It does worry me that whilst living here you just sink into it and may become oblivious to it after a while. When you first arrive here you're disgusted at the pigeon-holes. Everyone wants to categorise you. If you are mixed race lookin, they are never satisfied with "British". Eventually, it rubs off on you as this is exactly how society is out here. I was never ashamed of saying i am originally Pakistani until i came out here.

sorry, a bit heavy!

Storm in a teacup

Back in the doldrums today and an interesting turn of events after the drama on thursday.

After sly's blazing row with wench woman, wencho storms out but then returns an hour later after no doubt inhaling 2 packs of fags and casting a few of her spells. This was followed by Sly "handing in her papers" (resigning) and then storming out. Later in the day wencho tells me that Sly wanted wencho to sack scotboy (scottish new chap with enough chips on shoulders to open a chippy!).

Later in the day, Big Egyptian (BE) sales guy was sacked, which i thought was rather unfair.

So today i prance into the office only 5 minutes late - not bad considering last week I was arriving half hour to 45 minutes late. And there i see Sly sittin at her desk and so is BE. We were all obvioulsy quite puzzled as to why she was there after the bollywood drama scene on thursday morning. Wench calls me into her office and she informs me that "something is happening and i am not happy. If she stays then i am going". I am thinking, ok, thanks for the news but i really don't want to know!

See now i just want to ride out my last few weeks here keeping my head down, but for some reason all my colleagues feel the need to tell me their business or ask me about people's business! Such is the nature of small companies out here - far too much politics!

I then disappear on my own to have a fag to think about the holiday i am planning, but sly follows me. I didnt want to hear about any of the nonsense going on, so started talking about my holiday. She then interrupts, "wait let me tell you this before someone comes, i resigned, but the FD told me to come back and wait for the MD to return from holiday". 2 minutes later BE comes along and says "i am still here, they had no grounds to sack me and i told them so they withdrew it".

Sounds quite typical for small disorganised companies, but i have heard far worse!

Oh dear, we have 2 new guys start today and wencho just informed me that one of them has to sit next to me and listen to my phone calls for the next 2 or 3 days. That means i have to do some work and sound enthusiasitc and it also means i can't chat on MSN, plan my holiday, listen to ipod, sit crossed in a nice comfy position, go hunting for my slippers under my desk whenever i lose them, surf the web or update my blog at work - DAMN!

The flip side, i don't have to put up with phone calls from annoying people i don't want to speak to or annoying colleagues who just perch in front of my desk and start talking gobble dee gook and neither do i have to put up with Frizzy rolling up to my desk and just being plain weird.

more later

Strike a pose

I was watchin the sunset this evening whilst sat on the wall over lookin beach. To the left of me was the towering, the infamously grossly opulant, self proclaimed seven star hotel in the shape of a sail.

From numerous sources, I've heard that this hotel will never recoup any of its costs even if it ran at full occupancy and full rate for the next 40 years. However, every single time i pass the hotel, I always find hoards of tourists standing around in front, taking their token posed photos.

You used to be able to pay 200 dhs to go inside in exchange for vouchers which could be redeemed at the eye torchering bar on the top floor. The absolute quintessence of crassness.

I seemed to have developed this strange obsession of studying people's poses whilst they take their tourist photos. Particularly memorable poses i tend to find are from the subcontinent origin. For example; in front of the big sail hotel, there is a small roundabout. Numerous times i have seen them standing in the middle of the roundabout, both arms on hips in a superhero fashion, huge cheesy smiles to the count of three. All that was missing was the flowing red cape flapping in the wind.

The most oddly disturbing pose was in Bin Tutu shopping mall. Three mustached men, smiling gleefully, counting to three whilst posing in front of a huge poster featuring children which covers the windows of a shop yet to open.

Deeply alarming.

Cave women

Today we were treated with an earlier than expected scrap at the office between sly girl and wench boss. This time it was in wench's office, so the first sounds were muffled shouting which then escalated to;

"stop faking telling me how to do my job!" This was then followed by throwing items off the desk, door slamming and wench lady storming out in a huff. As you can see, I work in a highly professional environment. My boss and colleagues are the epitome of all things sleek and the font of all knowledge.

Every argument in the office involves sly girl. She is of subcontinant origin, not that race really matters, however they definitely are very different in their thinking and mind sets. For example, there have been countless times where another colleague (Frizzy) who sits behind me, wheels her chair upto my desk and asks me a question. If I do not know the answer, i simply respond with a "i don't know". However she seems to think that if she continues to ask me the question, every 10 minutes the answer will come to me?! Maybe she thought i did not understand what she was saying? Or maybe she wanted to ensure she asked the question correctly? Maybe she forgot that she had already asked me 3 times in half an hour? Who can say...

On another occasion, Frizzy came up to me whilst i was having lunch. She reached over, took one of my food items and said "i am taking this". I sat there in complete and utter bewilderment just frozen in mid air! Having witnessed this, Sly colleague later told me Frizzy had tried to take her food first, but Sly said she simply took it off her and said "No you can't have it". I find this behaviour all very cavewomanish! It's bad enough that i hear them hawking and clearing their throats all the time!

eek, better go! Wench woman is nearing...

hello ma'am, can i take your order?

My non-smoking campaign lasted all of 23hours. Just for extra measure, i went out for shisha last night just to ensure my lungs were topped up from the 23 hour gap.

my boredom at work has reached rather silly extremes...

(S) Hello ma'am can i take your order?
(Me) Yes please, i would like to order one 16" breast sandwich please
(S) Which dressing ma'am?
(Me) 1000 Palm islands please
(S) All the fillings ma'am?
(Me) I would like no hairs, no finger or toe nails, no snot or bogeys and no tiny curly wurly hairs please
(S) Would you like cheese?
(Me) No thanks, no fleas
(S) would you like a meal?
(Me) No thank you
(S) Drink, cookie or crisps?
(Me) No thank you, no spit, insects or sweat
(S) Wot is your location ma'am
(Me) i'm located in Dubai Zoo next to the tiger cage
(S) wot is landmark ma'am?
(Me) Beach road and follow sign to Dubai Zoo
(S) Name and number please
(Me) Alotta Fagina 5r38f6290t54352q46
(S) ok ma'am that will be 1 hour please
(Me) thank you

turns up 1 and half hour later, with an excuse that the previous driver was caught in a terrible road accident and rushed to hospital.

... still bored...

oh my dear gawd
i'm so damn bored!
gimme some rope
cos i just can't cope!

my colleagues are so thick
now gimme a brick!
one is sucha bigot
he's a redneck eegit!

anotha is snake in the grass,
always kissin some ass!
then behind yo back
she will attack!

then there's the brotha
with the toxic aroma!
next to him is bollywood hero
walks struttin his pose
while at his desk, picks his nose!

an' my boss is a media whore
doin anything to score!
she'll drop to her kneees
so clients are pleased!

the days i've been countin
cos the pressure is mountin.
so i'm sittin with ma ipod tunes
listenin to some Badu
witha smug look on ma face
cos i will escape!

But for now.. gimme some rope
cos i just can't cope!
oh dear lord!

i am so GAD DAMN BORED

Bored at work

I resigned last week, so i am currently rediculously bored at work- seriously.. I would even consider watchin Eastenders at this rate! Wish I could watch Big Brother over the internet....

Adding fuel to the fire, i decided to quit smoking (again) today. I quit smoking on a regular basis, so please refrain from congratulatory remarks. Given the extreme extent of my boredom, i can't see it lasting long this time round.

Have decided to have a random ranting session on here as my colleagues are far too weird to talk to. Two of them are currently arguing in the background ... oh no its just escalated into a screaming match! Another day in the doldrams of this dire company... two and half weeks encounting!

Anyway, I just ordered lunch in and it reminded me of a little luxury which Dubai offers one. Yes, order lunch in! Small thing, but tis the small things which count. It's scolding hot outside (48c in the shade to be precise!), making a 1 minute walk feel like a walk in hell! Instead, you can pick up the phone, dial, get it delivered and dine at your desk. One minor detail has been left out though, which kinda balances out the positive aspect of it; communication..

(Subway) Good morning ma'am, what is your order?
(Me) Hi, i would like to order 1 sandwich please
(S) What is your order?
(Me) 1 6" subway club with ceaser dressing, no pickle, no chillie, no onions and no cheese please
(S) Which dressing?
(Me) Ceaser
(S) 6" or 12"
(Me) 6
(S) you want cheese?
(Me) no thanks
(S) you want thousand island dressing?
(Me) No, ceaser please
(S) You want all fillings?
(Me) (bit irritated by this point!) no, i would like without chillie, pickle or onions please
(S) Which sandwich you want?
(ME) SUBWAY CLUB PLEASE!
(S) ok, 1 6" club with ceaser dressing, no onions, no chillie, no pickle. You want cheese?
(ME) No thank you, no cheese.
(S) Anything else, cookie, drinks, meal?
(Me) No thank you, nothing else
(S) Your location
(Me) #$%$%$
(S) your name and number
(Me) $*&$(*&#$
(S) Ok, that will be 1 hour
(Me) 1 hour?? its 11am, why 1 hour?
(S) We need to look at traffic
(Me) You deliver on motorbike, you don't have to watch traffic and you only 5 minute away from my office.
(S) It busy, we have lot of customers, its busy lunch time
(Me) It's 11am, it is not peak lunch time and it take 5 minutes.
(S) ok, 45 minutes then
(Me) thank you!

1 and half hour later, lunch arrives. Excuses of the driver being in a road accident - he fell off his bike and was sent to hospital (an excuse they use on a weekly basis).

gosh i need a fag!